[Their fingers entwine, and even though that question hits like a brick, it's such a stark reminder of why they're partners. Why they're a team, and why Yu leans so much on the other boy. However else he may act or seem, Yosuke is one of the most dependable people he knows, and that's one of the most important things in the world, to him, right now.
Still. It takes him a minute to find an answer to the question.]
Angry. Sad. Just because he's better...it doesn't make everything that happened go away.
[And yet, they had both said so much, too. There's been so much, and the feelings are all so tangled and tied up. None of it is simple at all.]
But I don't want to feel that way forever. I don't want any of us to.
[Him, Yosuke, Mikey. Other friends like Scott and Kotone. None of them deserve to be trapped in this forever.]
[You. Yosuke's use of that particular word doesn't go unnoticed, but Yu takes a moment before he says anything, nodding softly in acknowledgement.
Then,] ...What about you?
[It's a question that's bigger than it sounds. Yosuke is a person of strong opinions, especially when it comes to people he cares about. No matter how he feels about Mikey, he probably has something to say about the fact that they're back in contact. Yu wedges open that door, allowing him the space to step through it. To say whatever's on his mind.]
[there's a long silence. he looks down at the ground, his jaw tightening.]
I can't. I can't... forgive him, not yet.
[Yu was his everything, does anyone not understand? sure, he liked other people too... but it always came back to one person.
and there's a bit of a fear there too, maybe. that he wasn't there to protect him -- would that happen again? not even if it was just Mikey, but anyone? would he be able to protect him the next time someone came at him?
it was a strange rabbit trail of thoughts, but he had them anyway. a paranoia, almost.]
I know it's supposedly not permanent but... [he grips his hand tighter, it could be almost painful.] I can't forgive him yet.
[In some ways, the word complicated is too simple to encompass this situation. As hard and useless as it was to hide most of what happened, Yu hasn't exactly been forthcoming about the full experience. Death, dying, being killed at the hands of someone you care about...Yosuke is the only one who knows. It's been on his mind a lot, as much as he wishes he could put it aside, but...it makes the situation more than just complicated.]
It's alright if you don't. [Quiet as he can be, he's open and sincere when he does talk -- and this is no exception. Yosuke is under no obligation to forgive anything, and if he never did, Yu would understand that.]
If I started talking to him again...would you be okay?
[Talking regularly, of course, beyond the few interactions he and Mikey have had. Beyond stilted messages and conversations at the door. It's not a request for permission; Yu knows he doesn't need it. But they're partners, first and foremost, and what one of them does can affect the other. Yosuke's vicelike grip on his hand is a clear indicator that everything is very far from fine. He just wants to know where things stand.]
[There's something so tender about that kind of closeness, the gentle weight of Yosuke's head on his shoulder, and he exhales, leaning into the gesture a bit. There are some ways in which Yu doesn't compromise, and maybe it's not fair to anyone that he wants to care about both of them, but-- he can't help it.
Yosuke Hanamura, his partner, his person. If he had to choose, it feels almost inevitable that he would choose him. All the same...he's glad he doesn't have to.]
... I would understand, though, [he says after a thoughtful moment.] If that was too much.
[he's out here doing too much. but it is Yu, after all. he's always wanted to make sure he's okay, and that he's taken care of, all things considered. even through all the dumb shit they get into... it's times like these that he knows he definitely picked the right partner.]
I told you before, I'm not going to hold you back. But if he hurts you again...
[It's a uniquely uncomfortable feeling, for Yu -- feeling like someone is taking care of him. Maybe because he was just...on his own so much. Countless nights coming home to a dark, empty house, having to look after his own needs. He had seen so much of himself in Nanako, in her independence, her resilience in the face of that empty home. The idea that someone wants to help, to be there, to care...it's hard. It's still really, really hard for him to accept that.
But he's trying. He squeezes Yosuke's hand; it's a gesture that means more than he's able to say in words, some mix of gratitude and understanding. He has no doubt that Yosuke will do whatever he can. It's just-- he doesn't want things to come to that.]
It won't happen again, [he says softly after a moment, swallowing uncomfortably. It's not out of faith in Mikey, but rather faith in himself.] I won't let it.
[Not just because he grows from his own mistakes, but also because he doesn't want to need to be looked after. Not again.]
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Still. It takes him a minute to find an answer to the question.]
Angry. Sad. Just because he's better...it doesn't make everything that happened go away.
[And yet, they had both said so much, too. There's been so much, and the feelings are all so tangled and tied up. None of it is simple at all.]
But I don't want to feel that way forever. I don't want any of us to.
[Him, Yosuke, Mikey. Other friends like Scott and Kotone. None of them deserve to be trapped in this forever.]
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[Yosuke's not sure if he can forgive him yet, though. even though death isn't permanent here, Mikey still killed Yu. his person.
it was the principle of everything. that Mikey was supposed to help protect him when everything got tough.]
I think you'll get past it eventually. You're strong like that. [he's not going to comment on him.] You guys are bonded.
[even though he thinks Mikey's weird as fuck lmfao, even before all this.]
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Then,] ...What about you?
[It's a question that's bigger than it sounds. Yosuke is a person of strong opinions, especially when it comes to people he cares about. No matter how he feels about Mikey, he probably has something to say about the fact that they're back in contact. Yu wedges open that door, allowing him the space to step through it. To say whatever's on his mind.]
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I can't. I can't... forgive him, not yet.
[Yu was his everything, does anyone not understand? sure, he liked other people too... but it always came back to one person.
and there's a bit of a fear there too, maybe. that he wasn't there to protect him -- would that happen again? not even if it was just Mikey, but anyone? would he be able to protect him the next time someone came at him?
it was a strange rabbit trail of thoughts, but he had them anyway. a paranoia, almost.]
I know it's supposedly not permanent but... [he grips his hand tighter, it could be almost painful.] I can't forgive him yet.
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It's alright if you don't. [Quiet as he can be, he's open and sincere when he does talk -- and this is no exception. Yosuke is under no obligation to forgive anything, and if he never did, Yu would understand that.]
If I started talking to him again...would you be okay?
[Talking regularly, of course, beyond the few interactions he and Mikey have had. Beyond stilted messages and conversations at the door. It's not a request for permission; Yu knows he doesn't need it. But they're partners, first and foremost, and what one of them does can affect the other. Yosuke's vicelike grip on his hand is a clear indicator that everything is very far from fine. He just wants to know where things stand.]
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he's not actually all that surprised. it's Yu after all, and he's probably the best person he's ever met. would he be okay? no.
but he leans his head on Yu's shoulder anyway, his grip softening on the other's hand so it's not quite crushing.]
I'll be okay. [he might not be able to forgive Mikey yet, but:] It wouldn't be fair if I made your life hell because you want to fix things.
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Yosuke Hanamura, his partner, his person. If he had to choose, it feels almost inevitable that he would choose him. All the same...he's glad he doesn't have to.]
... I would understand, though, [he says after a thoughtful moment.] If that was too much.
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I told you before, I'm not going to hold you back. But if he hurts you again...
[the grip on his hand intensifies again.]
I will kill him.
[we went from 0 to 60 here, huh!!]
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But he's trying. He squeezes Yosuke's hand; it's a gesture that means more than he's able to say in words, some mix of gratitude and understanding. He has no doubt that Yosuke will do whatever he can. It's just-- he doesn't want things to come to that.]
It won't happen again, [he says softly after a moment, swallowing uncomfortably. It's not out of faith in Mikey, but rather faith in himself.] I won't let it.
[Not just because he grows from his own mistakes, but also because he doesn't want to need to be looked after. Not again.]