[The change is palpable when Mikey moves, the coolness that settles over his shoulder without the other boy's warmth on it.
... He doesn't like it, the uncertainty that stretches between them. These strange moments between ice and fire, warming and cooling one another in unexpected turns. It can't possibly stay like this forever, Yu knows that more than anything else. But how it'll change, and in what ways it'll change...that remains a mystery to him, right now.
Well. He can't resist a mystery.
Yu cants his head a bit at the question, thinking back. The things he said back then...they feel a bit like a blur of panic and anxiety. His stomach twists a bit at the mere memory.]
Mm, [he starts, thoughtfully.] People who got pushed into the TV world...after a few days, the Shadows that lived there would go into a frenzy and fight them. The people who died -- they were alone. They had no idea what was happening, and no way to fight against it.
[No way to know that they had to accept their Shadow selves.]
Once we started going in there...we were able to work together to save people.
(likewise, manjiro isn't particularly into it. either freeze him to the bone or burn him to the ground, no in-between, but that's only if it were up to him. uncertainty isn't particularly welcome - he dies or kills, but he doesn't wander in limbo for too long.
this isn't his decision, though. he's learned as much that it takes two to fix a past, and he allows yu to guide this conflict as a dance, at times bringing them closer, at times, distancing, all part of an intricate flow of yearning and repelling. he can only be better than he was yesterday - actions.
for a while, he says nothing. his hands are focused on the one between them, a touch, a gentle press, an index going across the knuckles as he attentively absorbs each and every word.)
You said... The Shadows were them, though. Their own shit, coming to bite them in the ass. Somethin' bout acceptin' it. Sorry, I don't remember too good, I was... Nervous.
(an admission that he would never do sober.)
... I don't know if it's the same, but every time I accepted the curse, shit went sideways in horrible, horrible ways. ... I think that's kinda what it did. Took all my shit and tenfolded it.
[Nervous is only one of many things he was feeling, admittedly -- but it was one. He doesn't say it aloud, but in a way, Yu is grateful for this small amount of extra honesty. It feels...new. And with how new things are for both of them, how new Mikey is to him, he appreciates each reminder that things are undoubtedly different. That they will always be different.
And...that different is not bad.]
They were. [A nod, and a soft, thoughtful exhale.] Shadows in the Midnight Channel were born from humans. When a human lost control of their suppressed self...it turned into a Shadow. If it was rejected by the person it belonged to, it'd go berserk. I don't know if it was the same, but...it was a reminder that everyone has darkness in them. Things they want to hide. Feelings they wish they didn't have.
[You're not me. You are me. Three little words that resulted in two deaths and the near death of all of his friends. Bitter truths and dark secrets, shameful admittances and desperate pleas to be recognized as who they were -- all of who they were.
Ah, look at that. Mikey may not have meant to find a crack in the facade, but he does, with that question, and Yu frowns a bit.]
... No. I never did. [He might stop there, normally. But between the alcohol in his system and the determined need to keep silence from falling, he continues.] I had seen all of them go through so much, facing all of these terrible things, but I never had to do it myself. For a while, I thought maybe that meant I was...broken, in some way, or-- empty, maybe.
(one can only see things from their own experiences, after all. manjiro is trying to see this through the curse, just like yu finds the link between the curse and his own journey. his eyes close, simply so he can focus on yu's words and skin as the sole stimuli he wants to pay attention to.
this is not exactly the same for his experiences, he comes to find. he'd reject it as much as he could, he'd become depressed and dissociated to keep it quiet. he accepted it, he'd lose everything he ever had. he wasn't meant to know what would have happened if he accepted any sort of help, what would have happened if he never leaped back in time. he was meant to take these experiences and fix it from ground up.
... this is a conversation, probably. he'll speak, too, alcohol moving the words out of his mouth before he could think on them.)
... That's not what I think, Yuchin. You're a leader, there's nowhere else but to face your own shit, whether for yourself or others. Maybe it hadn't taken form because you had accepted that and all your own shit already. I can list all your flaws to your face right now and I'm sure all you'd do is listen, composed as fuck, and all you'd say is 'you're right'. Ain't that facing and accepting it, in a way?
[It's not the same, really. Yu can't entirely articulate the difference, but he knows that there is one, and that discordant realization is frustrating. Going into the Midnight Channel and finding nothing there waiting for him...
He may never get answers about that. About why it wasn't the same, for him. But Mikey is right in one regard, at least -- he doesn't feel empty, at least not anymore, and he's just as human as anyone else...flaws and all.]
I'm not accepting criticism at this time, [he says with a light half-smile, nudging the other boy's shoulder.] ... but I understand what you're saying.
[Maybe someday he'll find himself face-to-face with a Shadow after all. Maybe he won't. For now, all he can do is recognize those things within himself and act on them, or accept them, or both.]
(the way he puts it makes his eyes open, stare at the other's face for half a second before a laugh comes out of his lips. full of jokes today, huh? it's fine. yu is not perfect, much like any of them. overthinker, with too much to say, and words that won't come out. overthinker with too many feelings that bubble within him, and yet, he maintains his posture. overthinker, optimistic, just way too good of a person - so good that he finds himself sitting here with someone who might not even deserve him in the first place.
forgiving.)
Did you hope you'd go through it, too? The same way as everyone else.
(he'd think so. it'd suck as a leader to not suffer amongst the ones you lead.)
[His expression turns wry. There are some moments --uncomfortable ones-- when he feels like the other boy can see right through him, as if he's translucent. Predictable. A book long since read and memorized.]
Is it that obvious?
[Not to say that he was jealous or felt left out. Not to say, either, that he felt lucky or anything of the sort. He never envied his friends' experiences so much as he feared what it might have meant that he didn't share them. Was he empty? Was something missing from him, in some way? Was his Shadow too broken, too fragmented to appear?
(Mikey is right, of course, that he overthinks.)
Yu is quiet for another thoughtful moment, mulling it over in his head. He had never faced his own Shadow, but he had confronted more within himself than he ever expected to. So...did it matter?]
I don't think that way anymore. About being 'empty.'
(to say manjiro's smart would be pushing it. he just sees things in a quite unique way, almost too poetic, but wholly true. if asked, he'd say that yu's head is a sea of 'whats' and 'whys', floating in a crowd until one comes to shore. he's too used to these silences as the answer swims to surface, so he doesn't push it.
instead, one of his hands leave yu's to grab the bottle. two, three gulps, and then he passes it. he's grounding himself until he forgets that he has done so.)
But you still have trouble letting people see that, though. Wonder why that is.
(it doesn't escape his memory, how yu hides from him at times. how he muffles sounds, conceals his expression.
is it the moment that he gets to see it the issue, or is it mikey, or is it... just as is?)
[He knows why. It's impossible not to know, with the way the thoughts spin through his head. Each little analysis, each moment etched into the path that brought him to where he is now. Who he is. Survival instinct that he never retrained, never faced -- and maybe that, too, is part of why he wished he had faced a Shadow. Facing those things, admitting their truth...it had made all of his friends stronger.
Maybe it would have made him stronger too.]
... It's hard. Being seen. Letting people see past the strong points. [He takes the bottle back, takes another long drink. Mikey punches hard, even metaphorically. But this is a realm where Yu excels, too.]
It makes you feel weak. Doesn't it?
[A knowing look is his counterstrike. It's the very thing that had come between them, after all. Only fair to bring it up now, if they're pulling everything out of its grave.]
(oh, the audacity of this bitch. it makes him laugh, just a little, because this is such a point for both of them. strength, how they see it, harbor it, and yield it. dark, hollowish large eyes look at the other with exasperated fondness. is this what would have happened if they actually spoke more often?)
What makes you feel weak doesn't make me feel weak because, unlike your humble ass, I happen to think I'm the absolute shit.
(ah, alcohol.)
... But through our relationship before all this crap, you ain't ever made me feel weak or nothin', you know. I didn't feel like The Invincible Mikey, I just felt like Manjiro Sano. I ain't ever got problems with you seeing my flaws, what makes me feel weak is you seeing me not handling them like I should.
[He can't even blink at that -- it's so very like how he is that Yu finds himself exhaling a dry laugh.
It's the rest of it that stings. If they had talked about this months ago, if they had showed these parts of themselves before it was too late...would they be in this situation in the first place? It hurts to think about, a deep ache that he can't quite reconcile with the brief hint of anger and frustration that wells up from that same place.]
You think you never need help handling those flaws. Look what happened.
[--oh. It's out of his mouth before he can think better of it. The anger is more like a spark than a flame though, and it dies, deflates, replaced by the bone-weariness that's been weighing his shoulders down for weeks.]
... Would Manjiro Sano have left to face all of that alone, too? Or was that the Invincible Mikey's choice?
(he can't even be mad, solely agreeing quietly. maybe he would still have left, even if he had spoken everything there was to speak. they can't know, too many variables, too many things that they'd have to have done even before reaching that point.
these discussions would have been one of them. never too late to start something, it seems.)
... That Manjiro Sano would have done that, too. It's something I'm still learning to do, but it doesn't make me feel half as shitty now.
(the beat is so long that he takes to gather the courage to speak again.)
If I had stayed, though, I don't think you would still love me through it. It felt easier to leave than to go through that.
[His voice is soft, but he sounds so sure, for something so new. Then again, he's seen it, too: Nanako and Dojima-san trying to navigate their relationship through loneliness and unresolved grief. Kuroda-san living on after her husband deteriorated and died. His own feelings for his friends -- and theirs for him. Getting through it is part of love. He's sure of it.
The fact that Mikey didn't give him the chance to show that...that hurts, too.]
I wish you had let me prove you wrong.
[His eyes are on the bottle, now only half-full. Or half-empty. Isn't that the question? It's a little while before he speaks again, both out of reluctance and a strong need to make sure he's using the right words. He holds the bottle out for the other, finally dragging his attention back to make eye contact.]
... I think... I'd like to know this Manjiro Sano better.
(he knows. he's seen the personification of love itself, losing everything to save everything, over, over, and over. all the things takemitchy has done for manjiro, he can't understand it, not after the long list of shit that he had done - takemitchy had always believed in a future where mikey could smile freely.
he's ridiculously loved. he knows that better than anyone. hardly deserves it, but he is. that's what the council has over his head this time, and for once -- yes. actually, yes.
there's no response for him, because he too wishes he had, in a way. it doesn't make him less scared of the person he has the potential to be, but it's not about him. it's about the fact that yu too could have shown him that he believed in a future where mikey could breathe. it's a lot to put out there, may his silence be the agreeing they both need to go with the silence.
eye contact-- his large eyes goggle a little bit at the scene. in a way, he knew they were making some progress, but this came out of yu - not mikey himself.)
... I'd like you to get to know me, too.
(he's not that different. same flaws, better handling, but it's enough to make a difference.)
[Yu can feel the agreement in the quiet, the acknowledgement of wrongdoing, the realization that things could have been better... or at least different. It's all he needed, really: that acquiescent nod to how things could have been. There's nothing to hold over anymore, after that: the anger, resentment, hurt -- it's time to start letting them go.
... in some ways, that's the hard part.
He squeezes the other boy's hand gently. He's not smiling, exactly, but his expression is lighter than it has been in a while.]
It might take me some time, still.
[But it's a process he's ready to start, at least.]
(never has manjiro ever looked at yu with so much fondness in his eyes. he was in love before, but right now, he feels a little bit more so, and it shows in the way his lips attempt to bite back a smile as he takes the bottle that was offered to him. the way he can't help the smitten expression that takes over his face for just a little while, and he smiles a little... is that shyness? is that joy? is that... love? he wouldn't know how to describe it other than the feeling of a wave that crashed onto shore returning to the ocean. some sense of peace, even knowing that it will crash again soon.
and the sip, before he replaces the bottle for a cigarette, burning the tip to drag in the smoke.)
I'll... Try to be patient. I... Still really fucking like you, you know. None of this changes that.
[That look. Oh, what a look. Yu realizes in the moment that he holds something special, in this moment, and it causes a surge of something in his chest, feelings both good and bad that he can't quite name. Is it guilt, twisting in his stomach? Fear? Worry? It feels like looking into an abyss...and at the same time, a warmth blossoms there, grateful, hopeful, eager to see what the future may bring.
No matter what. They had both said it, back then. It's no less true now.
Maybe it's the alcohol or the words or that tender expression, but something has Yu's cheeks warming as their eyes met again, and for now, maybe just now, his body isn't ready to run.
He leans into that. Leans in, in general, until their shoulders are barely brushing together.]
... I feel the same way.
[Maybe it's simple to say, but...Mikey should know just how much it means, that he said it at all.]
(if only yu knew how such simple words brought goosebumps through mikey's spine all the way to the back of his neck. it was truly something to hear it when yu first said it back, but now, after everything, to hear that that promise still holds truth is groundbreaking when one considers yu could barely stay in the same place as mikey not too long ago.
he'll blame how his face grows redder on the alcohol, and once those shoulders nearly touch, he'll press a gentle kiss on the boy's before he allows his head to rest for a second. yu might even mistake him for feverish with how warm his skin feels against fabric.
he's just flustered. don't ask him. it never happened. ignore the most dulcet smile that he has on as he lets his eyes close.)
... Thank you. For... Loving me. And for trying again.
Mm, [a lazy exhale, not quite a laugh, not quite an acceptance. But Yu's voice is soft as he says it, thoughtful. Honest, but not malicious, as he adds:] ... you don't make it easy.
[That much is an aching bit of truth, because all of this would be simpler, easier, if he could hate Manjiro Sano. If he could walk away. But he's not that kind of person, and even if he was...
Well. He can't. Not really.
With another exhale, a breathy sigh, he slowly slides down from the bar and offers a hand to the other boy.]
C'mon. We'd better tuck you in, Sleeping Beauty.
Edited (damn you phone tags) 2024-07-02 02:33 (UTC)
(he couldn't be offended even if he tried - he knows just how difficult he can be. how his puffed chest, attitude, the situation aside - he has never been a walk in the park, something breezy, easy, and stress-free. it's not who he is, and he couldn't be, and perhaps that's... why he's loved as he is. the theme has been lurking in his brain ever since his crime changed, but his brain and its dip into alcohol changes gears almost immediately when yu leaves the bar.
he'll probably tell him some other time. he's making a note of it.
he takes the hand, albeit the way he slides off is careful, slow-- shit, he's dizzy, and his eyes press closed to fight off the way the room seems to spin. distraction, distraction from the way that if he takes a step he might stumble, using his other hand to hold onto yu's forearm--)
I ain't even blonde no more, Yuchin, does that--ick-- still apply-- why did I leave the bar, everything was so still.
[Ah-- there it is, the tilt of the world, the slight delay in his vision as it tries to catch up to an alcohol-soaked brain. Yu adjusts himself accordingly, keeping his movements a little slower, a little more careful, to compensate at the very least. Ideally, to fully cover the fact that he can't hold that much alcohol and drank it anyway.
Even now, he's trying so desperately hard to be in charge. To be okay.]
Because it wouldn't be a comfy place to sleep, [he answers easily, and there's no slur to his words, but that's because the rest of his movements still a bit in order to compensate. He can't do more than one thing at a time, really, not like this. But he can do one thing at a time.]
I'll miss the blonde, but the black still looks nice. So-- [a pause, as he finally finds the nap bundle and tries to straighten it out a bit.] --of course it applies.
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... He doesn't like it, the uncertainty that stretches between them. These strange moments between ice and fire, warming and cooling one another in unexpected turns. It can't possibly stay like this forever, Yu knows that more than anything else. But how it'll change, and in what ways it'll change...that remains a mystery to him, right now.
Well. He can't resist a mystery.
Yu cants his head a bit at the question, thinking back. The things he said back then...they feel a bit like a blur of panic and anxiety. His stomach twists a bit at the mere memory.]
Mm, [he starts, thoughtfully.] People who got pushed into the TV world...after a few days, the Shadows that lived there would go into a frenzy and fight them. The people who died -- they were alone. They had no idea what was happening, and no way to fight against it.
[No way to know that they had to accept their Shadow selves.]
Once we started going in there...we were able to work together to save people.
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this isn't his decision, though. he's learned as much that it takes two to fix a past, and he allows yu to guide this conflict as a dance, at times bringing them closer, at times, distancing, all part of an intricate flow of yearning and repelling. he can only be better than he was yesterday - actions.
for a while, he says nothing. his hands are focused on the one between them, a touch, a gentle press, an index going across the knuckles as he attentively absorbs each and every word.)
You said... The Shadows were them, though. Their own shit, coming to bite them in the ass. Somethin' bout acceptin' it. Sorry, I don't remember too good, I was... Nervous.
(an admission that he would never do sober.)
... I don't know if it's the same, but every time I accepted the curse, shit went sideways in horrible, horrible ways. ... I think that's kinda what it did. Took all my shit and tenfolded it.
... Did you? Get to see your own shit like that.
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[Nervous is only one of many things he was feeling, admittedly -- but it was one. He doesn't say it aloud, but in a way, Yu is grateful for this small amount of extra honesty. It feels...new. And with how new things are for both of them, how new Mikey is to him, he appreciates each reminder that things are undoubtedly different. That they will always be different.
And...that different is not bad.]
They were. [A nod, and a soft, thoughtful exhale.] Shadows in the Midnight Channel were born from humans. When a human lost control of their suppressed self...it turned into a Shadow. If it was rejected by the person it belonged to, it'd go berserk. I don't know if it was the same, but...it was a reminder that everyone has darkness in them. Things they want to hide. Feelings they wish they didn't have.
[You're not me. You are me. Three little words that resulted in two deaths and the near death of all of his friends. Bitter truths and dark secrets, shameful admittances and desperate pleas to be recognized as who they were -- all of who they were.
Ah, look at that. Mikey may not have meant to find a crack in the facade, but he does, with that question, and Yu frowns a bit.]
... No. I never did. [He might stop there, normally. But between the alcohol in his system and the determined need to keep silence from falling, he continues.] I had seen all of them go through so much, facing all of these terrible things, but I never had to do it myself. For a while, I thought maybe that meant I was...broken, in some way, or-- empty, maybe.
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this is not exactly the same for his experiences, he comes to find. he'd reject it as much as he could, he'd become depressed and dissociated to keep it quiet. he accepted it, he'd lose everything he ever had. he wasn't meant to know what would have happened if he accepted any sort of help, what would have happened if he never leaped back in time. he was meant to take these experiences and fix it from ground up.
... this is a conversation, probably. he'll speak, too, alcohol moving the words out of his mouth before he could think on them.)
... That's not what I think, Yuchin. You're a leader, there's nowhere else but to face your own shit, whether for yourself or others. Maybe it hadn't taken form because you had accepted that and all your own shit already. I can list all your flaws to your face right now and I'm sure all you'd do is listen, composed as fuck, and all you'd say is 'you're right'. Ain't that facing and accepting it, in a way?
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He may never get answers about that. About why it wasn't the same, for him. But Mikey is right in one regard, at least -- he doesn't feel empty, at least not anymore, and he's just as human as anyone else...flaws and all.]
I'm not accepting criticism at this time, [he says with a light half-smile, nudging the other boy's shoulder.] ... but I understand what you're saying.
[Maybe someday he'll find himself face-to-face with a Shadow after all. Maybe he won't. For now, all he can do is recognize those things within himself and act on them, or accept them, or both.]
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forgiving.)
Did you hope you'd go through it, too? The same way as everyone else.
(he'd think so. it'd suck as a leader to not suffer amongst the ones you lead.)
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Is it that obvious?
[Not to say that he was jealous or felt left out. Not to say, either, that he felt lucky or anything of the sort. He never envied his friends' experiences so much as he feared what it might have meant that he didn't share them. Was he empty? Was something missing from him, in some way? Was his Shadow too broken, too fragmented to appear?
(Mikey is right, of course, that he overthinks.)
Yu is quiet for another thoughtful moment, mulling it over in his head. He had never faced his own Shadow, but he had confronted more within himself than he ever expected to. So...did it matter?]
I don't think that way anymore. About being 'empty.'
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(to say manjiro's smart would be pushing it. he just sees things in a quite unique way, almost too poetic, but wholly true. if asked, he'd say that yu's head is a sea of 'whats' and 'whys', floating in a crowd until one comes to shore. he's too used to these silences as the answer swims to surface, so he doesn't push it.
instead, one of his hands leave yu's to grab the bottle. two, three gulps, and then he passes it. he's grounding himself until he forgets that he has done so.)
But you still have trouble letting people see that, though. Wonder why that is.
(it doesn't escape his memory, how yu hides from him at times. how he muffles sounds, conceals his expression.
is it the moment that he gets to see it the issue, or is it mikey, or is it... just as is?)
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Maybe it would have made him stronger too.]
... It's hard. Being seen. Letting people see past the strong points. [He takes the bottle back, takes another long drink. Mikey punches hard, even metaphorically. But this is a realm where Yu excels, too.]
It makes you feel weak. Doesn't it?
[A knowing look is his counterstrike. It's the very thing that had come between them, after all. Only fair to bring it up now, if they're pulling everything out of its grave.]
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What makes you feel weak doesn't make me feel weak because, unlike your humble ass, I happen to think I'm the absolute shit.
(ah, alcohol.)
... But through our relationship before all this crap, you ain't ever made me feel weak or nothin', you know. I didn't feel like The Invincible Mikey, I just felt like Manjiro Sano. I ain't ever got problems with you seeing my flaws, what makes me feel weak is you seeing me not handling them like I should.
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It's the rest of it that stings. If they had talked about this months ago, if they had showed these parts of themselves before it was too late...would they be in this situation in the first place? It hurts to think about, a deep ache that he can't quite reconcile with the brief hint of anger and frustration that wells up from that same place.]
You think you never need help handling those flaws. Look what happened.
[--oh. It's out of his mouth before he can think better of it. The anger is more like a spark than a flame though, and it dies, deflates, replaced by the bone-weariness that's been weighing his shoulders down for weeks.]
... Would Manjiro Sano have left to face all of that alone, too? Or was that the Invincible Mikey's choice?
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these discussions would have been one of them. never too late to start something, it seems.)
... That Manjiro Sano would have done that, too. It's something I'm still learning to do, but it doesn't make me feel half as shitty now.
(the beat is so long that he takes to gather the courage to speak again.)
If I had stayed, though, I don't think you would still love me through it. It felt easier to leave than to go through that.
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[His voice is soft, but he sounds so sure, for something so new. Then again, he's seen it, too: Nanako and Dojima-san trying to navigate their relationship through loneliness and unresolved grief. Kuroda-san living on after her husband deteriorated and died. His own feelings for his friends -- and theirs for him. Getting through it is part of love. He's sure of it.
The fact that Mikey didn't give him the chance to show that...that hurts, too.]
I wish you had let me prove you wrong.
[His eyes are on the bottle, now only half-full. Or half-empty. Isn't that the question? It's a little while before he speaks again, both out of reluctance and a strong need to make sure he's using the right words. He holds the bottle out for the other, finally dragging his attention back to make eye contact.]
... I think... I'd like to know this Manjiro Sano better.
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he's ridiculously loved. he knows that better than anyone. hardly deserves it, but he is. that's what the council has over his head this time, and for once -- yes. actually, yes.
there's no response for him, because he too wishes he had, in a way. it doesn't make him less scared of the person he has the potential to be, but it's not about him. it's about the fact that yu too could have shown him that he believed in a future where mikey could breathe. it's a lot to put out there, may his silence be the agreeing they both need to go with the silence.
eye contact-- his large eyes goggle a little bit at the scene. in a way, he knew they were making some progress, but this came out of yu - not mikey himself.)
... I'd like you to get to know me, too.
(he's not that different. same flaws, better handling, but it's enough to make a difference.)
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... in some ways, that's the hard part.
He squeezes the other boy's hand gently. He's not smiling, exactly, but his expression is lighter than it has been in a while.]
It might take me some time, still.
[But it's a process he's ready to start, at least.]
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(never has manjiro ever looked at yu with so much fondness in his eyes. he was in love before, but right now, he feels a little bit more so, and it shows in the way his lips attempt to bite back a smile as he takes the bottle that was offered to him. the way he can't help the smitten expression that takes over his face for just a little while, and he smiles a little... is that shyness? is that joy? is that... love? he wouldn't know how to describe it other than the feeling of a wave that crashed onto shore returning to the ocean. some sense of peace, even knowing that it will crash again soon.
and the sip, before he replaces the bottle for a cigarette, burning the tip to drag in the smoke.)
I'll... Try to be patient. I... Still really fucking like you, you know. None of this changes that.
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No matter what. They had both said it, back then. It's no less true now.
Maybe it's the alcohol or the words or that tender expression, but something has Yu's cheeks warming as their eyes met again, and for now, maybe just now, his body isn't ready to run.
He leans into that. Leans in, in general, until their shoulders are barely brushing together.]
... I feel the same way.
[Maybe it's simple to say, but...Mikey should know just how much it means, that he said it at all.]
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(if only yu knew how such simple words brought goosebumps through mikey's spine all the way to the back of his neck. it was truly something to hear it when yu first said it back, but now, after everything, to hear that that promise still holds truth is groundbreaking when one considers yu could barely stay in the same place as mikey not too long ago.
he'll blame how his face grows redder on the alcohol, and once those shoulders nearly touch, he'll press a gentle kiss on the boy's before he allows his head to rest for a second. yu might even mistake him for feverish with how warm his skin feels against fabric.
he's just flustered. don't ask him. it never happened. ignore the most dulcet smile that he has on as he lets his eyes close.)
... Thank you. For... Loving me. And for trying again.
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[That much is an aching bit of truth, because all of this would be simpler, easier, if he could hate Manjiro Sano. If he could walk away. But he's not that kind of person, and even if he was...
Well. He can't. Not really.
With another exhale, a breathy sigh, he slowly slides down from the bar and offers a hand to the other boy.]
C'mon. We'd better tuck you in, Sleeping Beauty.
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(he couldn't be offended even if he tried - he knows just how difficult he can be. how his puffed chest, attitude, the situation aside - he has never been a walk in the park, something breezy, easy, and stress-free. it's not who he is, and he couldn't be, and perhaps that's... why he's loved as he is. the theme has been lurking in his brain ever since his crime changed, but his brain and its dip into alcohol changes gears almost immediately when yu leaves the bar.
he'll probably tell him some other time. he's making a note of it.
he takes the hand, albeit the way he slides off is careful, slow-- shit, he's dizzy, and his eyes press closed to fight off the way the room seems to spin. distraction, distraction from the way that if he takes a step he might stumble, using his other hand to hold onto yu's forearm--)
I ain't even blonde no more, Yuchin, does that--ick-- still apply-- why did I leave the bar, everything was so still.
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Even now, he's trying so desperately hard to be in charge. To be okay.]
Because it wouldn't be a comfy place to sleep, [he answers easily, and there's no slur to his words, but that's because the rest of his movements still a bit in order to compensate. He can't do more than one thing at a time, really, not like this. But he can do one thing at a time.]
I'll miss the blonde, but the black still looks nice. So-- [a pause, as he finally finds the nap bundle and tries to straighten it out a bit.] --of course it applies.