(oh, the audacity of this bitch. it makes him laugh, just a little, because this is such a point for both of them. strength, how they see it, harbor it, and yield it. dark, hollowish large eyes look at the other with exasperated fondness. is this what would have happened if they actually spoke more often?)
What makes you feel weak doesn't make me feel weak because, unlike your humble ass, I happen to think I'm the absolute shit.
(ah, alcohol.)
... But through our relationship before all this crap, you ain't ever made me feel weak or nothin', you know. I didn't feel like The Invincible Mikey, I just felt like Manjiro Sano. I ain't ever got problems with you seeing my flaws, what makes me feel weak is you seeing me not handling them like I should.
[He can't even blink at that -- it's so very like how he is that Yu finds himself exhaling a dry laugh.
It's the rest of it that stings. If they had talked about this months ago, if they had showed these parts of themselves before it was too late...would they be in this situation in the first place? It hurts to think about, a deep ache that he can't quite reconcile with the brief hint of anger and frustration that wells up from that same place.]
You think you never need help handling those flaws. Look what happened.
[--oh. It's out of his mouth before he can think better of it. The anger is more like a spark than a flame though, and it dies, deflates, replaced by the bone-weariness that's been weighing his shoulders down for weeks.]
... Would Manjiro Sano have left to face all of that alone, too? Or was that the Invincible Mikey's choice?
(he can't even be mad, solely agreeing quietly. maybe he would still have left, even if he had spoken everything there was to speak. they can't know, too many variables, too many things that they'd have to have done even before reaching that point.
these discussions would have been one of them. never too late to start something, it seems.)
... That Manjiro Sano would have done that, too. It's something I'm still learning to do, but it doesn't make me feel half as shitty now.
(the beat is so long that he takes to gather the courage to speak again.)
If I had stayed, though, I don't think you would still love me through it. It felt easier to leave than to go through that.
[His voice is soft, but he sounds so sure, for something so new. Then again, he's seen it, too: Nanako and Dojima-san trying to navigate their relationship through loneliness and unresolved grief. Kuroda-san living on after her husband deteriorated and died. His own feelings for his friends -- and theirs for him. Getting through it is part of love. He's sure of it.
The fact that Mikey didn't give him the chance to show that...that hurts, too.]
I wish you had let me prove you wrong.
[His eyes are on the bottle, now only half-full. Or half-empty. Isn't that the question? It's a little while before he speaks again, both out of reluctance and a strong need to make sure he's using the right words. He holds the bottle out for the other, finally dragging his attention back to make eye contact.]
... I think... I'd like to know this Manjiro Sano better.
(he knows. he's seen the personification of love itself, losing everything to save everything, over, over, and over. all the things takemitchy has done for manjiro, he can't understand it, not after the long list of shit that he had done - takemitchy had always believed in a future where mikey could smile freely.
he's ridiculously loved. he knows that better than anyone. hardly deserves it, but he is. that's what the council has over his head this time, and for once -- yes. actually, yes.
there's no response for him, because he too wishes he had, in a way. it doesn't make him less scared of the person he has the potential to be, but it's not about him. it's about the fact that yu too could have shown him that he believed in a future where mikey could breathe. it's a lot to put out there, may his silence be the agreeing they both need to go with the silence.
eye contact-- his large eyes goggle a little bit at the scene. in a way, he knew they were making some progress, but this came out of yu - not mikey himself.)
... I'd like you to get to know me, too.
(he's not that different. same flaws, better handling, but it's enough to make a difference.)
[Yu can feel the agreement in the quiet, the acknowledgement of wrongdoing, the realization that things could have been better... or at least different. It's all he needed, really: that acquiescent nod to how things could have been. There's nothing to hold over anymore, after that: the anger, resentment, hurt -- it's time to start letting them go.
... in some ways, that's the hard part.
He squeezes the other boy's hand gently. He's not smiling, exactly, but his expression is lighter than it has been in a while.]
It might take me some time, still.
[But it's a process he's ready to start, at least.]
(never has manjiro ever looked at yu with so much fondness in his eyes. he was in love before, but right now, he feels a little bit more so, and it shows in the way his lips attempt to bite back a smile as he takes the bottle that was offered to him. the way he can't help the smitten expression that takes over his face for just a little while, and he smiles a little... is that shyness? is that joy? is that... love? he wouldn't know how to describe it other than the feeling of a wave that crashed onto shore returning to the ocean. some sense of peace, even knowing that it will crash again soon.
and the sip, before he replaces the bottle for a cigarette, burning the tip to drag in the smoke.)
I'll... Try to be patient. I... Still really fucking like you, you know. None of this changes that.
[That look. Oh, what a look. Yu realizes in the moment that he holds something special, in this moment, and it causes a surge of something in his chest, feelings both good and bad that he can't quite name. Is it guilt, twisting in his stomach? Fear? Worry? It feels like looking into an abyss...and at the same time, a warmth blossoms there, grateful, hopeful, eager to see what the future may bring.
No matter what. They had both said it, back then. It's no less true now.
Maybe it's the alcohol or the words or that tender expression, but something has Yu's cheeks warming as their eyes met again, and for now, maybe just now, his body isn't ready to run.
He leans into that. Leans in, in general, until their shoulders are barely brushing together.]
... I feel the same way.
[Maybe it's simple to say, but...Mikey should know just how much it means, that he said it at all.]
(if only yu knew how such simple words brought goosebumps through mikey's spine all the way to the back of his neck. it was truly something to hear it when yu first said it back, but now, after everything, to hear that that promise still holds truth is groundbreaking when one considers yu could barely stay in the same place as mikey not too long ago.
he'll blame how his face grows redder on the alcohol, and once those shoulders nearly touch, he'll press a gentle kiss on the boy's before he allows his head to rest for a second. yu might even mistake him for feverish with how warm his skin feels against fabric.
he's just flustered. don't ask him. it never happened. ignore the most dulcet smile that he has on as he lets his eyes close.)
... Thank you. For... Loving me. And for trying again.
Mm, [a lazy exhale, not quite a laugh, not quite an acceptance. But Yu's voice is soft as he says it, thoughtful. Honest, but not malicious, as he adds:] ... you don't make it easy.
[That much is an aching bit of truth, because all of this would be simpler, easier, if he could hate Manjiro Sano. If he could walk away. But he's not that kind of person, and even if he was...
Well. He can't. Not really.
With another exhale, a breathy sigh, he slowly slides down from the bar and offers a hand to the other boy.]
C'mon. We'd better tuck you in, Sleeping Beauty.
Edited (damn you phone tags) 2024-07-02 02:33 (UTC)
(he couldn't be offended even if he tried - he knows just how difficult he can be. how his puffed chest, attitude, the situation aside - he has never been a walk in the park, something breezy, easy, and stress-free. it's not who he is, and he couldn't be, and perhaps that's... why he's loved as he is. the theme has been lurking in his brain ever since his crime changed, but his brain and its dip into alcohol changes gears almost immediately when yu leaves the bar.
he'll probably tell him some other time. he's making a note of it.
he takes the hand, albeit the way he slides off is careful, slow-- shit, he's dizzy, and his eyes press closed to fight off the way the room seems to spin. distraction, distraction from the way that if he takes a step he might stumble, using his other hand to hold onto yu's forearm--)
I ain't even blonde no more, Yuchin, does that--ick-- still apply-- why did I leave the bar, everything was so still.
[Ah-- there it is, the tilt of the world, the slight delay in his vision as it tries to catch up to an alcohol-soaked brain. Yu adjusts himself accordingly, keeping his movements a little slower, a little more careful, to compensate at the very least. Ideally, to fully cover the fact that he can't hold that much alcohol and drank it anyway.
Even now, he's trying so desperately hard to be in charge. To be okay.]
Because it wouldn't be a comfy place to sleep, [he answers easily, and there's no slur to his words, but that's because the rest of his movements still a bit in order to compensate. He can't do more than one thing at a time, really, not like this. But he can do one thing at a time.]
I'll miss the blonde, but the black still looks nice. So-- [a pause, as he finally finds the nap bundle and tries to straighten it out a bit.] --of course it applies.
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no subject
What makes you feel weak doesn't make me feel weak because, unlike your humble ass, I happen to think I'm the absolute shit.
(ah, alcohol.)
... But through our relationship before all this crap, you ain't ever made me feel weak or nothin', you know. I didn't feel like The Invincible Mikey, I just felt like Manjiro Sano. I ain't ever got problems with you seeing my flaws, what makes me feel weak is you seeing me not handling them like I should.
no subject
It's the rest of it that stings. If they had talked about this months ago, if they had showed these parts of themselves before it was too late...would they be in this situation in the first place? It hurts to think about, a deep ache that he can't quite reconcile with the brief hint of anger and frustration that wells up from that same place.]
You think you never need help handling those flaws. Look what happened.
[--oh. It's out of his mouth before he can think better of it. The anger is more like a spark than a flame though, and it dies, deflates, replaced by the bone-weariness that's been weighing his shoulders down for weeks.]
... Would Manjiro Sano have left to face all of that alone, too? Or was that the Invincible Mikey's choice?
no subject
these discussions would have been one of them. never too late to start something, it seems.)
... That Manjiro Sano would have done that, too. It's something I'm still learning to do, but it doesn't make me feel half as shitty now.
(the beat is so long that he takes to gather the courage to speak again.)
If I had stayed, though, I don't think you would still love me through it. It felt easier to leave than to go through that.
no subject
[His voice is soft, but he sounds so sure, for something so new. Then again, he's seen it, too: Nanako and Dojima-san trying to navigate their relationship through loneliness and unresolved grief. Kuroda-san living on after her husband deteriorated and died. His own feelings for his friends -- and theirs for him. Getting through it is part of love. He's sure of it.
The fact that Mikey didn't give him the chance to show that...that hurts, too.]
I wish you had let me prove you wrong.
[His eyes are on the bottle, now only half-full. Or half-empty. Isn't that the question? It's a little while before he speaks again, both out of reluctance and a strong need to make sure he's using the right words. He holds the bottle out for the other, finally dragging his attention back to make eye contact.]
... I think... I'd like to know this Manjiro Sano better.
no subject
he's ridiculously loved. he knows that better than anyone. hardly deserves it, but he is. that's what the council has over his head this time, and for once -- yes. actually, yes.
there's no response for him, because he too wishes he had, in a way. it doesn't make him less scared of the person he has the potential to be, but it's not about him. it's about the fact that yu too could have shown him that he believed in a future where mikey could breathe. it's a lot to put out there, may his silence be the agreeing they both need to go with the silence.
eye contact-- his large eyes goggle a little bit at the scene. in a way, he knew they were making some progress, but this came out of yu - not mikey himself.)
... I'd like you to get to know me, too.
(he's not that different. same flaws, better handling, but it's enough to make a difference.)
no subject
... in some ways, that's the hard part.
He squeezes the other boy's hand gently. He's not smiling, exactly, but his expression is lighter than it has been in a while.]
It might take me some time, still.
[But it's a process he's ready to start, at least.]
no subject
(never has manjiro ever looked at yu with so much fondness in his eyes. he was in love before, but right now, he feels a little bit more so, and it shows in the way his lips attempt to bite back a smile as he takes the bottle that was offered to him. the way he can't help the smitten expression that takes over his face for just a little while, and he smiles a little... is that shyness? is that joy? is that... love? he wouldn't know how to describe it other than the feeling of a wave that crashed onto shore returning to the ocean. some sense of peace, even knowing that it will crash again soon.
and the sip, before he replaces the bottle for a cigarette, burning the tip to drag in the smoke.)
I'll... Try to be patient. I... Still really fucking like you, you know. None of this changes that.
no subject
No matter what. They had both said it, back then. It's no less true now.
Maybe it's the alcohol or the words or that tender expression, but something has Yu's cheeks warming as their eyes met again, and for now, maybe just now, his body isn't ready to run.
He leans into that. Leans in, in general, until their shoulders are barely brushing together.]
... I feel the same way.
[Maybe it's simple to say, but...Mikey should know just how much it means, that he said it at all.]
no subject
(if only yu knew how such simple words brought goosebumps through mikey's spine all the way to the back of his neck. it was truly something to hear it when yu first said it back, but now, after everything, to hear that that promise still holds truth is groundbreaking when one considers yu could barely stay in the same place as mikey not too long ago.
he'll blame how his face grows redder on the alcohol, and once those shoulders nearly touch, he'll press a gentle kiss on the boy's before he allows his head to rest for a second. yu might even mistake him for feverish with how warm his skin feels against fabric.
he's just flustered. don't ask him. it never happened. ignore the most dulcet smile that he has on as he lets his eyes close.)
... Thank you. For... Loving me. And for trying again.
no subject
[That much is an aching bit of truth, because all of this would be simpler, easier, if he could hate Manjiro Sano. If he could walk away. But he's not that kind of person, and even if he was...
Well. He can't. Not really.
With another exhale, a breathy sigh, he slowly slides down from the bar and offers a hand to the other boy.]
C'mon. We'd better tuck you in, Sleeping Beauty.
no subject
(he couldn't be offended even if he tried - he knows just how difficult he can be. how his puffed chest, attitude, the situation aside - he has never been a walk in the park, something breezy, easy, and stress-free. it's not who he is, and he couldn't be, and perhaps that's... why he's loved as he is. the theme has been lurking in his brain ever since his crime changed, but his brain and its dip into alcohol changes gears almost immediately when yu leaves the bar.
he'll probably tell him some other time. he's making a note of it.
he takes the hand, albeit the way he slides off is careful, slow-- shit, he's dizzy, and his eyes press closed to fight off the way the room seems to spin. distraction, distraction from the way that if he takes a step he might stumble, using his other hand to hold onto yu's forearm--)
I ain't even blonde no more, Yuchin, does that--ick-- still apply-- why did I leave the bar, everything was so still.
no subject
Even now, he's trying so desperately hard to be in charge. To be okay.]
Because it wouldn't be a comfy place to sleep, [he answers easily, and there's no slur to his words, but that's because the rest of his movements still a bit in order to compensate. He can't do more than one thing at a time, really, not like this. But he can do one thing at a time.]
I'll miss the blonde, but the black still looks nice. So-- [a pause, as he finally finds the nap bundle and tries to straighten it out a bit.] --of course it applies.