[It's not something Yu wants to think back on, but he finds his mind going there anyway: the feeling of being ambushed, the way his entire body tensed at the sight of the other boy. It made him feel almost impossibly weak -- weaker than he had when Mikey first put his hands around his throat. Weaker than he ever wants to feel again.]
That's what he said to me, too. More or less.
[More or less, he says, because honestly -- some of the explanation didn't stick with him. Some of it...he's not sure he heard to begin with. Some of it he didn't even want to hear.
Against all odds, the corner of his mouth turns up at the rest.]
Don't go hitting people on my account. Mikey would probably let you, if you wanted to. Not sure how satisfying it'd feel, though.
[Hitting someone who was inviting it...doesn't sit well with him, personally. Even at their most vulnerable, the only way he'd been able to do it to Yosuke was when the other boy was hitting him back.]
[So, Yu has heard about Mikey... and yet it's hard to read the other teen's reaction. His boyfriend (?) came back, told him that he's living a normal life and stuff and apologized, and Scott still doesn't know what Yu is thinking.]
Yeah, he basically offered his stupid face on a platter. Asshole move of him, you know? Because it definitely takes away the satisfaction of socking him in the face.
[Maybe that's the actual reason why he didn't punch Mikey. Or one of many. The shock of seeing him again, how apologetic he was, the fact he was just... himself again. Or at least someone that didn't shove his friends and partners away. Yeah, he didn't have the strength to really go through with it.
Dick.
Scott fiddles with the straw in his drink, taking some time to gather his thoughts.]
So, feeling like crap about it? [He asks, ruby quartz staring squarely at Yu.]
[If he's being honest, Yu doesn't know how he's feeling about it all, either. Angry? Mikey came back so "normal" that he can't help thinking all of this could be different. Sad? He couldn't bring himself to get any closer to someone he previously had cared so deeply about. Worried? He has to wonder how Yosuke will react...and whether all of this is just a cover to begin with.
Tired? It is all so very tiring, when you get down to it. Exhausting. He's sick of it all.]
It'd be a clever move, done intentionally.
[He speaks the words without really thinking, like he's delaying the inevitable. Which he is; talking about himself and his own feelings is tough for Yu. And then Scott fixes him with a question, laser-focused, and here he is under the microscope again.]
... I don't know how to feel about it. It's hard to stay mad at him when he's so different. But...I don't think I can be around him again, either.
[Not when his instincts keep screaming at him to fear for his life.]
If it helps, I don't know how to feel about it either.
[Scott admits, still idly poking around his milkshake with his straw. Sometimes it helps to do something like this when talking about this stuff, although as a small sigh leaves him, he stops.]
...I thought about never wanting to see Mikey again, but. [Don't get emotional, Summers. Sure, he was affected by all this, but Mikey is undoubtedly closer to Yu and thus the teen in front of him is definitely struggling more, even if he has that ability to sort of push things back. Scott's still working on that himself, usually it's easier for him when they're fighting or something, but when it's just talking like this... he sucks a lot more about retaining his feelings.
Still, he is going to try, because he wants to support Yu. He's... they've been friends for so long now. He cares a lot about him.]
I don't know if I can really avoid him either. [He smiles helplessly at him.] I don't want to.
[Yu makes a small, thoughtful sound, lacking in commitment as he mulls over those words. Scott is honest and to the point, laying out his feelings so completely that Yu doesn't entirely know what to do with it all -- not at first. So Scott doesn't want to avoid Mikey...?
... Does he want to avoid Mikey...?
In one sense, yes, of course. He's not ready to see the other boy again. But is that forever, or just for now?
Finally, he answers:] ... I don't think I want to, either.
[It's hard to admit, and he feels conflicted in this -- it shows in his expression. Yosuke won't like to hear it, for sure. He exhales a soft sigh, holding out his milkshake to clink glasses.]
I usually don't mind this place so much. But this really sucks, huh?
[Wouldn't it just be easier if Mikey never came back, even though it would've left him and Yu feeling like shit and angry. But they were both just... done with the former biker, they decided that. He's back now, however, and it's made everything far more complicated-- he sees it in Yu's expression. It's not just feeling angry and being done with him anymore, because Mikey is different, mostly back to how he was, except more mature.
Maybe 'better' isn't the right word, but there's something off his chest in a way. It's notable.
Scott finally takes a small sip from his milkshake after he clinks glasses with the other teen. He barely notices the flavor, his mind still wrapped around everything that's happened and how Yu is dealing with this crap.]
But... I know I'll regret it if I ignored him forever and he suddenly disappeared again. [A reminder of everything here-- time with everyone is limited and none of them knows who might be gone next.]
[Regret. Yu finds himself lingering over that word, spinning it around in his mind, picking it apart. That word has become such a driving factor in his life, hasn't it? He never once regretted any choice he made in Inaba, but before that? His tendency to push people away had become a deep regret, and he wonders sometimes how different his life might have been if he had not been so afraid of getting hurt.
Because now he's seen what it's like, that hurt, and while it sucks, it's...it's not nothing. And that's what he was before.
Scott was right before, and as hard as it is to admit it, Yu thinks he's right now, too. To regret doing something is always better than to regret doing nothing. He doesn't want to agree, but he can't lie, either.]
I would, too. [He sounds so sure of it. Maybe he is.] ... Things can't go back to how they were. Not after all this. But...there must be some way forward, from here.
[He has no idea what that path might look like, or whether he'll ever be friends with the other boy again. But there must be a way for them to live in peace, as long as they're here.]
[Yeah, Yu's right about that. Things can't go back to how they once were; it's pretty much impossible since the memory of Mikey trashing them will always be there. Maybe not in the forefront of their minds, but definitely present. Like a reminder. But that doesn't mean everything is ruined or can't be repaired. As he said, there must be a way forward, because this stupid tense air and uncertainty isn't something Scott wants to deal with for long. Maybe he's stupid or gotten sentimental since living here, but he doesn't really want to lose Mikey's friendship for good. ...Even if Mikey is responsible for the damage in the first place.
Second chances. That's what Dazai basically said to him.
...And this may not be any of his business, but he's going to ask anyway.]
Do you think you can love him again?
[Because that's what Yu and Mikey had together, right? That extra layer of emotions that Scott really only has for one specific girl here, but Yu has it for Mikey and Yosuke. It's been hard dealing with his friendship with Mikey, so he's sure that things are even more complicated for him. Difficult.]
[It's the memories that make this so difficult; Yu has known that much since he first encountered Mikey again. They rise unbidden to the forefront of his mind, affixed there whenever he thinks of the other boy. Dull eyes and vicious hands and darkness...will there ever be a time when that association goes away? And even if it does, how can he divorce those memories from the concept of moving past what happened?
... But he has to, doesn't he? They both do. Memories or not, they're all still here, and this town has its limits. They all became friends in the first place because they traveled in the same circles, because they can't stay out of each others' ways. Trying to do so now would be asking a lot of any one of them.
Yu is momentarily struck by the question --and it's one hell of a question, isn't it-- as a strange mix of flustered surprise and distress cracks through his calm expression.]
I... [He realizes very suddenly that he doesn't know how to answer that. If that's even the question. ...is it? Or is it more like...]
...I don't think I can stop.
[Because he doesn't think he has stopped. Part of him wishes he had.]
[Scott can't even laugh at the flustered surprise that suddenly grips the other boy. Oh, he normally would've teased Yu by now, especially since he's often teased himself when it comes to Kotone. Not to mention that Yu normally has a good poker face, able to shove back things behind that cool demeanor, but look at him now. Honestly though, he gets it, between wanting to rebuild something with Mikey and if it was Kotone that hurt him, he'd forgive her. Like immediately.
...
Okay, maybe not the best comparison, but he understands the feeling of not being able to stop loving someone no matter what. Feelings are just stupid sometimes, aren't they? Things were so much fucking easier when he was an outcast and was mad at everyone, only really focused on himself and not worrying about anything. ...He wouldn't trade to go back to that angry, lonely teenager though.]
I understand, man.
[Is what he settles with, some sort of understanding shining behind those glasses as he pushes his half drained milkshake away for a bit.] Not a feeling that's easy to get rid of.
[He had hoped that Scott would understand...or rather, maybe he suspected as much. Whatever the case, he's still grateful for those words, and he nods to show that appreciation.]
Thanks, [he says softly, but it's the rest of it that's sitting with him. He's never once regretted the way that Inaba has changed him, wholly, fundamentally. But it's true that this feeling is part of why he built up those walls in the first place. Saying goodbye, being hurt, missing people...it all seemed too painful to keep going through, and not worth the effort.]
No, it's not. [He sighs a bit, fiddling with his straw.] ... I used to avoid it. Getting to know people. It hurt to say goodbye, to think about being forgotten...so I just never got close to people. Loneliness felt easier.
[Was it worth it, in the end? Usually, his answer is yes, an absolute. That certainty is a little shaken, in this moment.]
... But it hurts either way, in the end. I guess you can't avoid it.
[Scott doesn't really bother to hide his surprise hearing that. Yu used to avoid being close to people? Avoid making friends? It's honestly kind of hard imagining the teen in front of him being a loner of sorts. He's just... always seemed like someone that easily drew people in. A guy that was popular back home, especially with the stuff Naoto mentioned about him.]
Never pictured you as the loner type. That's my schtick.
[How much self-awareness does Scott have? None. Okay, he knows he has more friends and stuff now, but...] Except I never thought too much about being forgotten and crap. Everyone just sort of pissed me off back home. [...] But yeah, we can't avoid getting hurt.
[There's a slight teasing edge in his voice, a hint of smile in the corner of his mouth, and while it doesn't last, at least it's there to begin with. He can picture it, for Scott; annoyance, irritation. When you shoot lasers out of your eyes whether you want to or not, maybe it makes sense to be that angry. People have their reasons.
Either way, he nods, stirring his straw around in its cup.]
I moved around a lot. After a while, starting over again and again felt too hard...so I stopped. [Come to think of it, Inaba had been the longest he'd stayed in one place for a while, huh? And that had changed everything.] I don't think that way anymore. Usually, it feels worth it.
[He exhales quietly.] Maybe someday in the future, we'll look back on this the same way.
[Scott smiles briefly at the tease. Yeah yeah, big surprise. Although, honestly, he is glad to see that small upward twitch on Yu's mouth, even if it doesn't last long. It's something? Better than nothing. Crap like this is going to take time, he just hopes that Aldrip will give that to them.
But what Yu says about moving around a lot... it makes sense.]
It'll be worth it, Yu. [There's a certain determination to Scott, a conviction that he holds that he won't budge on.] Even if we have to work extra hard for it.
[And look, their hamburgers and fries finally arrive!]
[It'll be worth it. Yu is quiet as he processes those words. In truth, it's something that he already believes -- these days he does, at least. The bonds he's made and the people he's met have proved that to be true time and time again. More than just worth it; worth fighting for, worth every cut and bruise and lashing along the way. There's nothing in the world that is more worthwhile than that.
Nothing else that is so deeply deserving of that work.]
You're right. [And he has to tamp down a quiet surge of...it's hard to say what: awe, pride, some mix of the two, maybe. Scott says that like a leader, and it inspires just the same.]
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That's what he said to me, too. More or less.
[More or less, he says, because honestly -- some of the explanation didn't stick with him. Some of it...he's not sure he heard to begin with. Some of it he didn't even want to hear.
Against all odds, the corner of his mouth turns up at the rest.]
Don't go hitting people on my account. Mikey would probably let you, if you wanted to. Not sure how satisfying it'd feel, though.
[Hitting someone who was inviting it...doesn't sit well with him, personally. Even at their most vulnerable, the only way he'd been able to do it to Yosuke was when the other boy was hitting him back.]
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Yeah, he basically offered his stupid face on a platter. Asshole move of him, you know? Because it definitely takes away the satisfaction of socking him in the face.
[Maybe that's the actual reason why he didn't punch Mikey. Or one of many. The shock of seeing him again, how apologetic he was, the fact he was just... himself again. Or at least someone that didn't shove his friends and partners away. Yeah, he didn't have the strength to really go through with it.
Dick.
Scott fiddles with the straw in his drink, taking some time to gather his thoughts.]
So, feeling like crap about it? [He asks, ruby quartz staring squarely at Yu.]
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Tired? It is all so very tiring, when you get down to it. Exhausting. He's sick of it all.]
It'd be a clever move, done intentionally.
[He speaks the words without really thinking, like he's delaying the inevitable. Which he is; talking about himself and his own feelings is tough for Yu. And then Scott fixes him with a question, laser-focused, and here he is under the microscope again.]
... I don't know how to feel about it. It's hard to stay mad at him when he's so different. But...I don't think I can be around him again, either.
[Not when his instincts keep screaming at him to fear for his life.]
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[Scott admits, still idly poking around his milkshake with his straw. Sometimes it helps to do something like this when talking about this stuff, although as a small sigh leaves him, he stops.]
...I thought about never wanting to see Mikey again, but. [Don't get emotional, Summers. Sure, he was affected by all this, but Mikey is undoubtedly closer to Yu and thus the teen in front of him is definitely struggling more, even if he has that ability to sort of push things back. Scott's still working on that himself, usually it's easier for him when they're fighting or something, but when it's just talking like this... he sucks a lot more about retaining his feelings.
Still, he is going to try, because he wants to support Yu. He's... they've been friends for so long now. He cares a lot about him.]
I don't know if I can really avoid him either. [He smiles helplessly at him.] I don't want to.
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... Does he want to avoid Mikey...?
In one sense, yes, of course. He's not ready to see the other boy again. But is that forever, or just for now?
Finally, he answers:] ... I don't think I want to, either.
[It's hard to admit, and he feels conflicted in this -- it shows in his expression. Yosuke won't like to hear it, for sure. He exhales a soft sigh, holding out his milkshake to clink glasses.]
I usually don't mind this place so much. But this really sucks, huh?
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[Wouldn't it just be easier if Mikey never came back, even though it would've left him and Yu feeling like shit and angry. But they were both just... done with the former biker, they decided that. He's back now, however, and it's made everything far more complicated-- he sees it in Yu's expression. It's not just feeling angry and being done with him anymore, because Mikey is different, mostly back to how he was, except more mature.
Maybe 'better' isn't the right word, but there's something off his chest in a way. It's notable.
Scott finally takes a small sip from his milkshake after he clinks glasses with the other teen. He barely notices the flavor, his mind still wrapped around everything that's happened and how Yu is dealing with this crap.]
But... I know I'll regret it if I ignored him forever and he suddenly disappeared again. [A reminder of everything here-- time with everyone is limited and none of them knows who might be gone next.]
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Because now he's seen what it's like, that hurt, and while it sucks, it's...it's not nothing. And that's what he was before.
Scott was right before, and as hard as it is to admit it, Yu thinks he's right now, too. To regret doing something is always better than to regret doing nothing. He doesn't want to agree, but he can't lie, either.]
I would, too. [He sounds so sure of it. Maybe he is.] ... Things can't go back to how they were. Not after all this. But...there must be some way forward, from here.
[He has no idea what that path might look like, or whether he'll ever be friends with the other boy again. But there must be a way for them to live in peace, as long as they're here.]
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Second chances. That's what Dazai basically said to him.
...And this may not be any of his business, but he's going to ask anyway.]
Do you think you can love him again?
[Because that's what Yu and Mikey had together, right? That extra layer of emotions that Scott really only has for one specific girl here, but Yu has it for Mikey and Yosuke. It's been hard dealing with his friendship with Mikey, so he's sure that things are even more complicated for him. Difficult.]
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... But he has to, doesn't he? They both do. Memories or not, they're all still here, and this town has its limits. They all became friends in the first place because they traveled in the same circles, because they can't stay out of each others' ways. Trying to do so now would be asking a lot of any one of them.
Yu is momentarily struck by the question --and it's one hell of a question, isn't it-- as a strange mix of flustered surprise and distress cracks through his calm expression.]
I... [He realizes very suddenly that he doesn't know how to answer that. If that's even the question. ...is it? Or is it more like...]
...I don't think I can stop.
[Because he doesn't think he has stopped. Part of him wishes he had.]
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...
Okay, maybe not the best comparison, but he understands the feeling of not being able to stop loving someone no matter what. Feelings are just stupid sometimes, aren't they? Things were so much fucking easier when he was an outcast and was mad at everyone, only really focused on himself and not worrying about anything. ...He wouldn't trade to go back to that angry, lonely teenager though.]
I understand, man.
[Is what he settles with, some sort of understanding shining behind those glasses as he pushes his half drained milkshake away for a bit.] Not a feeling that's easy to get rid of.
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Thanks, [he says softly, but it's the rest of it that's sitting with him. He's never once regretted the way that Inaba has changed him, wholly, fundamentally. But it's true that this feeling is part of why he built up those walls in the first place. Saying goodbye, being hurt, missing people...it all seemed too painful to keep going through, and not worth the effort.]
No, it's not. [He sighs a bit, fiddling with his straw.] ... I used to avoid it. Getting to know people. It hurt to say goodbye, to think about being forgotten...so I just never got close to people. Loneliness felt easier.
[Was it worth it, in the end? Usually, his answer is yes, an absolute. That certainty is a little shaken, in this moment.]
... But it hurts either way, in the end. I guess you can't avoid it.
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[Scott doesn't really bother to hide his surprise hearing that. Yu used to avoid being close to people? Avoid making friends? It's honestly kind of hard imagining the teen in front of him being a loner of sorts. He's just... always seemed like someone that easily drew people in. A guy that was popular back home, especially with the stuff Naoto mentioned about him.]
Never pictured you as the loner type. That's my schtick.
[How much self-awareness does Scott have? None. Okay, he knows he has more friends and stuff now, but...] Except I never thought too much about being forgotten and crap. Everyone just sort of pissed me off back home. [...] But yeah, we can't avoid getting hurt.
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[There's a slight teasing edge in his voice, a hint of smile in the corner of his mouth, and while it doesn't last, at least it's there to begin with. He can picture it, for Scott; annoyance, irritation. When you shoot lasers out of your eyes whether you want to or not, maybe it makes sense to be that angry. People have their reasons.
Either way, he nods, stirring his straw around in its cup.]
I moved around a lot. After a while, starting over again and again felt too hard...so I stopped. [Come to think of it, Inaba had been the longest he'd stayed in one place for a while, huh? And that had changed everything.] I don't think that way anymore. Usually, it feels worth it.
[He exhales quietly.] Maybe someday in the future, we'll look back on this the same way.
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But what Yu says about moving around a lot... it makes sense.]
It'll be worth it, Yu. [There's a certain determination to Scott, a conviction that he holds that he won't budge on.] Even if we have to work extra hard for it.
[And look, their hamburgers and fries finally arrive!]
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Nothing else that is so deeply deserving of that work.]
You're right. [And he has to tamp down a quiet surge of...it's hard to say what: awe, pride, some mix of the two, maybe. Scott says that like a leader, and it inspires just the same.]
Scott...thank you. I mean it.